Grab Hold to the Controls of your Life
What controls your life? Hellfire-and- Damnation preachers would say sin. Religious folks would say God. Tycoons would obviously say power and money. Young mothers would say their children.
Now all of the above could be true, but what really controls our life is the common everyday clock. They are everywhere in our home-on the coffee pot, the computer, the stove, the microwave, the bookshelves, and the tables.
A few years ago I walked around and counted 13. As I looked closely, each one of them had a different time. That didn't bother me as long as the clock by my bed was correct.
During the 32 years I taught school we carried on a long love affair. On many a cold and dark winter morning it would rudely call out to me at 5:00. I would reach for it, place it in the bed with me and gently pat it every ten minutes.
Granted there were times I had wanted to jerk the cord out of the electric socket, throw it across the room and watch it break into a thousand pieces. This conflict captured me even before I carefully opened my eyes on certain days. Yet even though my body did not want to cooperate, my mind knew I should. The clock could not be ignored. I had to deal with it.
Aren't all longstanding conflicts like that? They need to be dealt with because of their power to separate us from others. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with conflict. Playing games is not healthy. One game I play at times is called Miss Pleaser.
Because I like for every body to be happy, I follow the rules of this unhealthy game and utter, “Whatever you want is fine with me. I love you, so I will never challenge or disagree with you. Never will I be found rocking the boat.”
That is hog wash. It's dishonest; I'm being dishonest about my feelings. You may be delighted but I'm still slowly burning up with this conflict. It isn't solved, just put of a shelf.
A close relative to Miss Pleaser is Mrs. Mournful Martyr. When we play this game we can whine, “I suffer in silence for all your abuse.” I specially like this one because I can punish you by refusing to talk to you.
Assuming you want to deal with conflict in a positive way, what can you do? May I suggest some steps to take in dealing with conflicts?
· You may attack what I do but don't call me names.
· You may forgive me if your heart is big enough.
· You may refuse to sack up all my bothersome ways.
· You may tell me what irritates you.
· You may confront me when alone, but not with others.
· You can be honest with me, never expecting me to read your mind.
Did I hear you say, “May I?” The answer is, “Yes you may. If we play the game by the rules I guarantee you and I both will be a winner in this game of conflict.”
If we are a Christian, there is one other voice we need to listen to. That is the voice of God the Father. His presence and voice found is His Word will direct us in our times of conflict so that everyone involved is a winner.
